MATTY'S MAULING

Matty Lamington spits out the latest crumbs from his overcooked passion for the game of association football. Never one to back down Matty is happy to throw his opinions into the mix.

In this instalment Matty may well have gone too far. Are these the rantings of man pushed over the edge or the legitimate response to a century of VFL/AFL paranoia? Let us know what you think.

#6: Battle Lines are drawn

We shall go on to the end, we shall fight in Australia,
We shall fight them on the pitches,
We shall fight them in the schools,
We shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall overtake this island whatever the cost may be,
We shall fight on the beaches,
We shall fight at the offices of the Herald Sun, 3AW & Channel 9,
We shall fight in the bogan ball fields and in the streets,
We shall fight in the hills,
WE SHALL NEVER SURRENDER!!!!!

Wake up sons & daughters of football. We are at war, we have been attacked for too long, & have now gained unparalleled strength in Australia, while the enemy gets weaker by the day. The attacks on our game over the last week from the pathetic, insular, racist, xenophobic, backwards, drunken yobbo game of VFL over Australia’s bid to host the 2018 or 2022 FIFA world cup has taken this war to a new level.

Football people must now stand up & be counted, you cannot like the two codes, it is not possible. Choose a side & grab a weapon. We are fighting now for our survival. We have no media support, it is run by racist old men who fear for their “way of life” of 1950’s Australia being destroyed by the “evil ethnic” game. And destroy is what we must do. Any dollar you spend on Bogan Ball is a dollar used to try & destroy football. Our aim is simple, destroy VFL & ensure football becomes king of this country.

Lamington’s 10 step war plan for Victory

1. Spend zero $$ on VFL – not one cent, no one off games, no presents for you’re your kids bogan ball loving friends birthday, nothing. The game of VFL in football fans minds, like 99% of the world, should not exist.
2. Open hostility – let it be known you hate VFL, no small talk, no niceties: "The game sucks, it’s crap why are you talking to me about it?" If you are a boss ban all VFL talk in your workplace, no tipping competitions should be permitted & sack anyone that disobeys the order.
3. No kids involvement – if you have kids they are not to play bogan ball. Let their school know you are not happy for them to play it at all. It is too dangerous & you don’t want your child to grow up thinking it is normal to rape & bash women.
4. Complaints – constantly write to or ring media outlets about complaints regarding VFL. Make stuff up, whatever it takes. This type of constant barrage of negativity is something football has had to put up with for decades.
5. Charity – for those who can afford it, go & buy some footballs & donate them to a local charity, give them to some new migrants, anything to get people playing football.
6. Grassroots – get involved in a local football club. Every club needs more help than they currently have. In times of war all hands on deck are required.
7. Mass e-mails – swamp media outlets with football related e-mails. When football is not mentioned in sports bulletins demand to know why. Demand more coverage, the squeaky wheel gets the oil.
8. Sponsors – avoid sponsors of the VFL, tell them you will not buy their products after they have tried to kill our World Cup bid, they take this shit seriously & would be furious to think their sponsorship is actually hurting business. This has already started to happen & I know some sponsors are furious with the head bogan at VFL headquarters.
9. Presence – we need a visible presence all over this land. Wear your strips as much as possible, stickers on the cars, constant visual reminders to the flat-earthers that we are strong & growing. Take over & play football games at local parks, beaches over summer, put the fear of god into the bogans enjoying their leisure time, whilst impressing the opposite sex with your Brazilian (or Scottish in most cases) skill.
10. A-League – support your national league. Crowds should be growing not dropping. Football fans need to rally in this time of war & get to games, no excuses. Passionate, colourful, vocal crowds is what makes football the game it is, we are not boring inbreds with one chant “clap clap clap”, we are the children of the world game, that’s what scares the arseholes.

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